When parents plan for the future of a child with special needs, they often focus on legal and financial tools, like special needs trusts and government benefits. However, one crucial group is usually left out of the conversation: the siblings.
Siblings may one day step into caregiving or advocacy roles, formally or informally. They may be expected to help manage a trust, ensure their brother or sister receives appropriate care, or provide emotional support. Including them early in the estate planning creates a foundation for smoother transitions, reduces misunderstandings and gives everyone a clearer sense of their role.
Why Siblings Matter in Long-Term Planning
Siblings are likely to be the longest-standing relationships in a person’s life. As parents age or pass away, brothers or sisters often remain. Even when a sibling won’t serve as a primary caregiver or trustee, they will likely be involved in day-to-day support, communication with care providers, or an emotional anchor.
Nevertheless, siblings are often unaware of their parents’ intentions. They may not understand the purpose of a special needs trust or how decisions will be made after the parents are no longer involved. This lack of clarity can lead to confusion, resentment, or even legal conflict, particularly if siblings are also beneficiaries of the estate.
Opening the Conversation
Including siblings starts with honest communication. Parents should share the basics of their estate plan, explain how decisions have been made and invite questions or concerns. Topics may include:
- Who will serve as the trustee or successor trustee of a special needs trust
- How resources will be allocated among siblings
- What expectations (if any) exist for caregiving or advocacy
- How government benefits are being protected through legal planning
This conversation doesn’t need to happen all at once. Instead, family discussions can gradually unfold as siblings mature and understand each other’s needs. The key is ensuring that they feel informed and supported, not burdened.
Legal and Financial Education for Siblings of Special Needs Children
Parents should also ensure that siblings have access to the legal and financial information they may need someday for the family or the child with special needs. This may include providing copies of estate planning documents, explaining the function of the special needs trust, or walking them through how public benefits, like Medicaid or SSI, are affected by financial support.
Naming a sibling as a future trustee, power of attorney, or healthcare proxy without adequate preparation sets them up for stress and potential failure. Parents should consider naming a professional fiduciary or co-trustee to provide support if a sibling is unwilling or unable to serve in these roles.
Creating a Team Approach in Special Needs Planning
Planning doesn’t have to fall on one person’s shoulders. Families often succeed by creating a “care team” approach that includes parents, siblings, professionals and close family friends. Roles can be shared or divided—for example, one sibling might handle legal decisions while another provides social support.
Clear documentation of these roles within estate planning documents and written letters of intent helps ensure consistency if multiple people are involved in the care or oversight of a sibling with special needs.
Strengthening Family Bonds Through Inclusion
Involving siblings in estate planning isn’t just a practical decision—it’s an emotional one. It signals trust, values their role and lays the groundwork for cooperation. It also honors the future relationship between siblings, ensuring that love and respect continue even after the parents are gone.
Planning with siblings in mind helps prevent conflict, confusion and unintended consequences. Most importantly, it ensures that people with special needs receive the lifelong support they deserve.
Key Takeaways
- Siblings play long-term roles: Including them in planning builds continuity and prevents future misunderstandings.
- Communication prevents conflict: Open discussions about roles, expectations and resources strengthen family unity.
- Education prepares siblings for future roles: Understanding legal documents and public benefits is essential if they will act as caregivers or trustees.
- Shared responsibility supports better outcomes: A team approach can divide duties and ease individual burdens.
- Inclusion builds trust and cooperation: Families that plan together are more likely to stay united in supporting their loved one.
Reference: MassMutual (July 19, 2023) “Living with special needs: The sibling perspective”